Showing posts with label Carve Her Name With Pride. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Carve Her Name With Pride. Show all posts

Will Chelsea Clinton play the marriage name game?

Is Chelsea a keeper or a changer?
That's what researchers call the newly married once they figure out what to do — if anything — about their names. Now that the big Clinton-Mezvinsky wedding is a wrap and Rhinebeck, N.Y., is back to its idyllic self, the question remains what Chelsea's choice will be.
There are loads of options, from making up brand new names and hybrids (Clevinsky) to hyphenates and add-ons like mom (Hillary Rodham Clinton). Research suggests more women than you might think — 77 to 95 percent — legally change their names when they marry, including those who take the time to make a switch but incorporate their maiden names informally to preserve their identities on the job.
Jo-Anne Stayner, who provides name-change assistance at ImaMrs.com, said the decision today for many first-time brides is all about the value of a woman's digital footprint, along with her educational and professional oomph. We're not all Clintons, but we still care about the name game.
"With most women establishing a career before marriage (the average new bride is about 27 years old), it makes sense to want to protect the personal brand they have worked 14-hour days to create," Stayner said.
The question-and-answer site Ask.com fields more than a million queries every day on a variety of subjects. In the last 30 days, three of its top 25 questions covered marital alphabet soup.
— How long before a wedding do you start planning for a name change?
Once engaged, Ask's experts recommend. Legal steps must usually wait until after the ceremony because a marriage certificate is required as proof of a name change. Gathering forms and researching requirements can take time, so getting a prenuptial jump on the chore will help. Government agencies, banks, credit card companies and employers have their own procedures.
— Whose last name goes first in hyphenation?
The decision is usually based on sound, alphabetical order or personal preference.
— What percentage of brides takes their husband's name?
Though recent research indicates a range spanning well over half, Ask cited one study done at Indiana University last year estimating 80 percent, with 70 percent of Americans surveyed saying brides SHOULD take their husband's last name. A recent study out of the Netherlands indicates women who use their husbands' surnames earn an average of about $1,150 less a month than those who keep their maiden names. Name-changers were generally older and had less education.
Presidential daughters over the last four decades have either left their names alone or pushed them to the middle.
At 30 with an advanced college degree and some work experience to her credit (as an investment analyst), Chelsea's a pretty average bride, other than her dad being a former president, her mom secretary of state and her pricey nuptials dubbed the latest wedding of the century. She's off on a top-secret honeymoon with no name announcement yet.
But consider Samantha Saephan, 29, of the San Francisco Bay Area. She's a public relations manager for a large communications and will soon dive in to a name change after getting hitched to Sean Thai on May 22. Of ethnic lu-Mien origin, her parents are from Laos and named her Meuang Ay Saephan. She chose Samantha for her public self in middle school but remained Meuang Ay legally and at home.
"I already knew that I wanted to change my last name so I would have my husband's last name," she said. "It's a little bit of being old fashioned and traditional, and also further down the line when we do have children I'd like to have the same last name as my kids."
Saephan wants to preserve part of her past, a decision made easier by her lack of a middle name. "I'm going back and forth on what part of my birth name I should leave as a middle name so I'll still have something tied to my birth name."
On the table are "Samantha Saephan," "Samantha Meuang Ay Thai" and "Meuang Ay Thai."
Business law professor David Ryan Polgar, 31, in West Hartford, Conn., married Leslie Doane the same day Saephan and Thai wed. Doane legally took her hubby's last name, informally preserving Doane as a second middle name for her work as a real estate agent.
"I want to come up in searches if people look me up under Doane, but the whole process is frustrating," she said.
And the male perspective? "I could never imagine changing my name," her husband said.
Lauren Rotchford, 34, in Atlanta needs more time to make the leap after marrying Randy Holmes on May 8. She wants to change her name, but she's having trouble letting go.
"I think it's important. We're married. He's my husband and I want to show that I'm committed to him," she said. "It's just that I feel like I waited a while to get married and I have experience in my career and I'm known as Lauren Rotchford. It's a little bit harder than I thought it would be."
Until recently, Mary Dean Taylor's feminist side was battling her madly in love side over taking on Birkel as she counts down to her wedding in Kansas City, Mo. "He'd really like for me to take his last name, though he hasn't been insistent or vocal about it," said Taylor, 31.
She had a recent revelation to do the extra middle name thing informally and legally take on the hub's surname. That's four names. "My boss is already practicing," Taylor said.
In San Antonio, Texas, Alisa LeSueur is confidently on the other end of the spectrum. She was 46 when she married for the first time two years ago. It was husband Rob Salter's second time around.
"There was never a doubt in my mind that I wouldn't change my last name when I married," she said. "It doesn't make sense to me that I should lose my entire identity just because I have chosen one person to share the rest of my life with."



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The Tragic History Of Chelsea's Wedding Poem

Leo Marks's poem "The Life That I Have," read as part of Chelsea Clinton and Mark Mezvinsky wedding ceremony, seems on the surface to be the perfect wedding poem. It's straightforward and employs simple language--easy for the guests to understand and appreciate with one listen--and it comes across as genuinely emotional with its incantatory and almost pleading repetition of "yours and yours and yours." Here's the full text of the poem:
The life that I have
Is all that I have
And the life that I have 

Is yours
The love that I have 

Of the life that I have 

Is yours and yours and yours.
A sleep I shall have 

A rest I shall have 

Yet death will be but a pause
For the peace of my years 

In the long green grass 

Will be yours and yours 

And yours
The emotion behind the poem, it turns out, was genuine and intense. Marks wrote it on Christmas Eve in 1943 for his girlfriend Ruth, who had just died in a plane crash. In his 1998 memoir "Between Silk and Cyanide," Marks wrote of the poem's purpose, "I transmitted a message to her which I'd failed to deliver when I'd had the chance."
That's heartbreaking enough, but there was more tragedy to come. When Marks wrote the poem, he was serving as chief code breaker/cryptographer for Winston Churchill's famed Special Operations Executive, the group tasked with encoding allied messages and cracking German codes. A mathematical genius, Marks reportedly cracked Charles de Gaulle's personal cipher during a spare moment on the toilet.
When Marks joined the Special Operations Executive, it was common practice to use well-known poems as the ciphers for encoding messages. Marks found this appalling, as any Nazi with a book of British classics could crack the ciphers, so he took to using his original poems instead.
"The Life That I Have," Richard Hyfler noted in an article for Forbes Magazine, turned out to be an ideal poem to use as a cipher, with its "absence of the high-value Scrabble letters like 'z' and 'x' or words with double letters that make code easier to decipher." Marks eventually gave it to a beautiful, young agent with the French resistance named Violette Szabo to use as her personal code. Before the end of the war, Szabo was compromised then tortured and killed by the Nazis. Her travails, along with the poem, are remembered in a 1958 film called Carve Her Name With Pride. You can watch a scene from the movie below.
There's something beautiful and uplifting in seeing Marks' poem freed from its tragic context and put to its original use as a statement of love and devotion in such a public forum (Clinton and Mezvinsky were apparently unaware of the poem's history when they selected it). But perhaps now, we should remember the pain and the sacrifice tied to it.
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